I know who dunnit in California!

I have convincing photographic evidence as to who started the fires in California! That story suddenly got interesting when I found out it was an arson. And then, I immediately set out to find out who it was, because that's the kind of guy I am!

Here's the photo that was sent into me by an anonymous source. As you can see, it appears to be Philadelphia Phillies closing pitcher Brad Lidge. Now, it's true that this is purely circumstantial. No one actually saw Brad Lidge use the torch in his hand to light the fire, as the camera man was supposedly burnt to a crisp by the fires shortly after.

This should be enough to have Brad Lidge flown to California for questioning and possible detainment. On the downside, Charlie Manuel can't place in him any save situations like he did tonight when he BLEW ANOTHER SAVE AGAINST THE ASTROS!

Arson, however, is very interesting. I take back my initial criticism of the coverage, but I noticed that now the fires are an arson and homicide the amount of national media coverage concerning these fires has significantly died down. But now, I will refuse to let this die until this arsonist is brought to justice!

I had my suspicions on a few of the usual suspects, however. My instincts immediate went to someone we know hates wildlife in general. Dick Cheney, Mr. Halliburton himself, I'm sure would like nothing more than to see little woodland creatures scatter from their homes while he sits by in a lawn chair and laughs hysterically. I can picture him using a bag of hundred dollar bills and Halliburton brand lighter fluid to start the mother of all fires.

Dick Cheney, I'm still not clearing you of suspicion.

And who would ever suspect the smelt? Fish, angry at the abuse of their water, used to feed the masses, get together and go rogue. It's a classic story, and until the Lidge picture surfaced, one I considered the most likely suspect.

What better way to get back at farmers than to burn 150,000 acres? Makes too much sense to me. Have you ever seen an angry fish? I have. The flip back and forth to let you know how viciously ANGRY they are (usually before they die and end up as dinner). Oddly enough, it resembels me after EVERY PAYCHECK WHEN I SEE MY SOCIAL SECURITY TAX!

And then there's Johnny Storm, AKA the Human Torch. The motive? He's furious over Disney's purchase of Marvel Entertainment. His plan? Burn everything. Marvel, which was in absolutely no financial trouble what-so-ever, seemingly out of nowhere sold-out... and Mr. Storm, angry over the chance that Disney might finance another Fantastic Four movie and slander his name more, retaliates. (On a side-note, I really hope Disney plans on letting Marvel go nuts. Fantastic Four aside, they've been hitting the movie-ball out of the park like it was a pitch from Brad Lidge!)

My personal feelings on the California fires have changed now. Arson is interesting, but then it led to homicide. And unlike my feelings on Kennedy, that's ridiculous and sad. There's not much you can do to prevent these. You can cut down the overgrown and dried-out brush that contribute to wildfires, but arson can't really be planned for. Firefighters, who willingly take themselves out of the frying pan and into the fire, died. I hope they find the guy.

But my money is still on Lidge. (Thank GOD Myers is back.)